Why I don't have friends

J/K I have friends. But only one that lives here and I imported him.

But I've figured why I've lived here for nearly four years and managed to make zero real friends and only scant acquaintances.

Negotiating the beginning of a friendship sucks! I thought I was through dating when I got married, but it is so not true. Every interaction I have with a potential mommy-friend is so tense and awkward. I'm all like "Does she want to talk to me? She looks at me a lot maybe she wants to talk to me. Ooh! She complimented my shoes and my shoes aren't all that great she definitely wants to hang out." or some other such interaction so I try to initiate small talk when I see these people, only I suck at small talk. Like really suck out loud.

A few times, phone numbers have been exchanged but nothing ever really pans out. My most recent example is a woman I met who's son is only a week younger than my son. We talked a lot at baby gym class and it even seemed easy, like we had already known each other for awhile. I was the one who asked if she wanted to get together, but she seemed super excited about it and even called me while I was standing there so that I would have her number when I did not ask for it.

But then when I saw her a couple weeks later she was all dodgy about making actual plans, but still said "definitely call me" and we'd figure something out. So I did. I called her today, nearly a week later, and so far she hasn't called me back so now I'm all angsty over how I'm this creepy lady who won't leave her alone and now I have to see her this week at baby gym class and I'm super weirded out by it all. Gawd.

Added to that is the pressure that as long as I fail to make friends, my son doesn't get any friends either. It sucks.

I was actually kind of getting to know someone but I think I may have messed that up re: horrible at small talk. I thought it was okay by the end of the exchange but things are leading me to believe that may not be the case.

Playing the odds, it basically has to get better. I'm shoving myself into uncomfortable social situations with pretty frequently now so at eventually I'm going to have fall in with some sort of suitable crowd. The beginning is just really frustrating.

Well That Explains It

I'm sick. Congestion has been building in my ears, so I think that plus my sinus congestion may account for the lackluster running. I've been in denial the last few days, but today I woke up with my right ear and sinus ready to explode and a swollen right side of my throat.

Claritin-D seems to be helping some. That's the upside of weaning. I can take the good stuff now. I'm just gross instead of head esplody.

Booo! I'm so sick of being sick.

Highs and Lows

Dude. I've run twice this eek and only managed two miles each time at a speed I used to be able to do four miles. It's so irritating. I don't know what I'm gonna do. My muscles feel like I could keep going but I keep getting light headed and have to stop before I faint. It's weird.

In good news. I'm pretty sure I'm not raising a conformist. In Kindermusik today, he was crawling in a circle instead walking in a circle and when the teacher said, "Oh let's crawl in a circle like Summer's son" and everyone else started crawling he got up and started walking. This was a repeated pattern. Hilarity ensued.

Also, he said "Hi" to the grocery store cashier. Marking the first time he has ever spoken to a stranger. Woo!

Generic

My poor little blog.

I'm going to finish my first revision/total rewrite of The Book! in about an hour I think. That should free up some time to actually blog while I let it rest before embarking on Revisions: The Sequel.

I'm going to run a 5k on March 26th and a 10k on April 30th. Training-wise I am ill-prepared, but I am going to look ultra sharp in my pink tank top and pink trimmed running shorts. And really, isn't that all that matters?

My mother-in-law is here. She's rearranging my kitchen. I'm grateful for her help. I'm grateful for her help. I'm grateful for her help.

We tried to stop nursing, but yesterday I caved and nursed him for the first time in two weeks. This has caused a slight regression. But still he didn't nurse at all today, and only asked when he got sleepy so maybe it will not be like starting all over again. I know I want this break of being the only person using my body for a while before I get pregnant again but in the moment it just feels like I'm being mean. He likes it so much. When he was nursing yesterday he would pop off and cackle for a while before going to the other side. :-(

In the meantime I'm sort of generally swollen and grumpy. Even though overall, life is going really well.