Body Image Confusion Ramble

I'm beginning to think there might be a serious disconnect between how I actually look and how I perceive myself. There is a fat blogger I read that likes to talk about fashion and hair and other visual stuff like that. She is super cute and trendy and posts pictures of herself a lot. I have always thought that we were more or less the same size which has really helped me on my journey of undoing all the negative messages about my body that I've been sent by society at large because I really like the way that she looks and I'm proud that she is proud enough of herself not to be invisible but to go out and take up space with loud clothes and a sassy attitude that very often fat people (and I daresay fat women in particular) don't feel allowed to do.

However, recently she was reviewing a dress for a plus-size online boutique and she was talking about the sizing and in doing so she spelled out her dimensions. She is about six inches shorter than me and weighs close to a hundred pounds more than me. Now to some degree the whole height/weight thing looks different on all people and so I don't know exactly how far off my perception is, but with that great of a disparity we can't look all that similar.

It's a bit jarring. I mean I know I'm still fat because 1) I can see myself. and 2) Most of society reacts to me as though I am a fat person. I just may not be the kind of fat I think I am which is disheartening because I thought I had...well okay really I don't know what I thought but I'm just feeling very weird and not happy about this at all. I've been working really hard at gaining a realistic self-image and then becoming fine with that. ( I plan to do another post about my destructive dieting/ overexercising/ perpetual goalpost moving and my subsequent quest to recover and develop healthy food and exercise relationships eventually, but I'm waiting to have time to do it well.) And it seems that I'm not doing nearly as well with that as I thought I was. It sucks is what I'm saying.

Totes Easy Recipes

Check it out everybody I'm actually blawging something useful!

I found Alaska Salmon Bake with Pecan Crunch Coating on AllRecipes.com. I didn't change any of the ingredients or amounts. The only thing I did differently from the original recipe instructions was I brushed half of the honey mustard mixture on the salmon and then put the pecans and breadcrumbs on the salmon and then I drizzled the rest of the honey mustard mixture on top of that. It was super easy to make and it tasted great. Even my husband liked it and he's not really a fish guy. I suspect the topping would work well on just about any fish. I'm planning to try it on a tilapia sometime soon.

TIP: I'm morally opposed to paying someone to crumble up bread for me. I save the end pieces from my sandwich bread in the freezer and food process it up whenever I need bread crumbs. I've always thought that works pretty good.

Next: (Picture to come)

As you might be able to tell I'm trying to get more seafood in our diet. I didn't grow up eating it so I have basically no frame of reference for taste combinations. If you're looking for an easier version of this, the inspiration recipe used green onions and no peas, butter, or garlic simmering. Just mix together the green onions, shrimp, pasta, and ranch dressing.

Shrimp Pasta Salad

Ingredients:

1 pound cooked shrimp, tails removed

1 cup frozen or fresh green peas

1 tablespoon minced garlic

1/2 small white onion, chopped (or 3-4 green onions)

4 tablespoons butter or margarine

14.5 oz angel hair pasta

2 cups ranch dressing

Directions:

1. Melt the butter or margarine in a skillet on medium heat.

2. Add peas, onions, and garlic to the butter and simmer for approximately 15 minutes. Meanwhile bring the water for the pasta to a boil.

3. Cook pasta to al dente per package instructions.

4. 2 minutes before the pasta is done add shrimp to the skillet with the peas and onions.

5. In a large bowl mix together the ranch dressing, pasta, and skillet ingredients. You can serve immediately but it is actually meant to be chilled and served cold.

Random Update

So there's totes a hole in my ceiling, but what could have been a $4,000 repair has turned out to be something that looks like it will only be about $500 so I'm not so fussed about the hole anymore. If you come to my house I could show you the section of ceiling that the snails had set up camp in. I would also have some questions about how you found my house. ;-)

Amidst the craziness I have managed to try out two new seafood related recipes that out well that I plan to post shortly, and I really really am going to start posting my Meal Plans to participate in the Mindful Menus roll. Really.

Bullying

Man I've been reading some stories about school bullying after this latest suicide that's in the news and it is all very distressing. It's the one thing that makes me hope that Tyler does take to sports because I think that would insulate him somewhat, although then I'd have to worry about him being a bully. He has the genes for it (sports not bullying). All of Husband's family played sports in school, and I played basketball and baseball when I was a kid. (And was pretty good if I do say so myself.) And with his leg strength and general build I really think he is going to physically take after Papa who was a baseball player. I know I can't (and won't) push in any direction but this so terrifies me. I was only slightly made fun of as a child and it still haunts me. Like, people who used to be mean to me want to be all chummy now, somewhere on the order of 15 years later, and I won't engage because I can't let it go because it is something that so deeply affected me and I feel like they should realize that now as adults and if they don't then I have no use for them. The point is, somewhere in me I still carry those wounds and my torment was not nearly on the scale that a lot of people I've known have experienced and that still more of the stories I've read exhibit. I'll tell you one thing, if my son or any future children come to me and tell me they are having trouble with this at school, I will immediately leap to the "these kids are assholes and the problem entirely lies with them and I will do something about it" line of reasoning and skip right past the "you're too sensitive" "ignore them" "this will build character" craziness that I'm reading about and that I'm seeing in the parenting of one of my son's older cousins. And if any of our children ask to homeschool or switch schools and there is ANY way at all to swing that it will be swung forthwith.

Likewise, I won't be tolerating any reported bullying, not even as a young child. Liz at ...but then I had kids made her four year old miss his best friend's birthday party (a big party with a bouncy house and magic, and took his younger brother to it and came home and talked about how great it was) because, after having already been routine-type punished for this once, he ganged up with other boys and beat up another kid on the playground. Apparently, the other mothers in her social circle and her parents and her husband's parents are all over her about how she is being too hard on him. And quite personally I call shenanigans. I mean yeah he's little and is likely a lovely person overall, but he has even admitted that he knew that it was a "bad choice" and did it anyway. What are you supposed to do? Give him ice cream and teach him how not to leave bruises? I think that punishment is totally appropriate and I applaud her for taking this so seriously. "Kids will be kids"? No. Kids will be who you teach them to be.